Shall we reflect.
I know that I cannot pick my acne for the sake my own confidence. I have now done a lot more than I thought I would. I should get tested. I'm with someone who has lost herself along the way due to the society in which she exists. I had my first thoughts of depression today. I get aggravated way to quickly. I'm not being a nice person. I'm being average. At what point did I sacrifice the confidence I can exude by knowing myself. I want to know myself more. I'm lost currently. I'm still madly in love with a girl, who is doing as she knows. Drugs become benign as those that I'm around impact me. I am presenting myself as an image who is not professional, truly understanding of himself and those around him. I'm not living in the moment. I'm not advancing myself playing the Uke, taking cold showers, getting ahead, Why am I not more interested in changing. Is it because I'm okay with my grades. Get pissed dude. You're meant for so much more, you will travel the world and experience small towns in the Netherlands, jump start economies in third world countries, and experience so many things that tumbr would dream about. Stop being so normal. How do I stop being so normal.........good question, realistic question. Heres a start. 1. Get back ahead in your work (Part one/two finished BIT Tomorrow. QC done) 2. Start reading again (buy book tomorrow) 3. Find animal place to volunteer or other place and start. 4. You know how to succeed at these schools. So do it. Start by planning tomorrow. 5. Find an amazing internship. Take the time to do it. 6. Start taking cold showers/meditating again. You'll feel so much better and think clearer. 7. Alexander, you don't get an unlimited supply of time.
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I had gone almost two weeks without having any sever acne attacks. Tonight I had one. I felt very unhappy with my looks which I think led to me feeling like I had some control over it by attacking my acne.
What I felt after was pure panic as I know the damage I have done to my face and the distgusting shine it has. I felt such shame after, such disconfidence. Why would I do that to myself knowingly. The acne will go away if I leave it alone!!! SO why can't I just not fucking touch it. All part of this ongoing struggle that i will overcome. This week I will,
Go out of my way to meet people/girls Not watch Not pick at my acne Do 3 things for other people Get everything done ahead of time CS Project done by Tuesday Marketing studying done ahead of time Understanding first unit of management I will maintain my happiness thru October 6th, 2016:
I am two days from 20 and for the most part of this week have been miserable. I did not work as hard in my academics as I needed too. I let personal misunderstanding get in the way of relationships and did not rely on the patience I know I have. I picked at my acne ruining the streak that I had set to eradicate my face of infection. I ruined by soul through sinning not to a god but to my future. This left me defeated, careless, weak, and mentally unsound. It is the build up of these along with the feeling that I am not wanted by the opposite sex that has left me so defeated. Intense dislike for myself ensued from these weeks events. Why I believe this culminated was a lack of foresight on my short term and long term goals. |
AuthorStudent to my future Archives
July 2017
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