At the age of 30......
I will have a few very close friends who are different from the mainstream. They have a core talent that they excel at and they are content creators. I will be friendly with others but will not have time for them. I know who I am completely. I am still open to growth but I understand what makes up my psychology and my traits and in what environments I need to be. I will have 40 million dollars by being a content creator. By following paths to financial success and only spending money where it is an asset. Not investing in just a brand. I will dress well, keep myself well and refine my personal skills. This will be a journey
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A high status individual for being attractive: treats others well, is treated well by others, and treats themselves well. I will ask myself before I go to bed each night these three questions to make this a priority.
Passions and favorite things to do. -Experiencing new cultures -Enjoying the beauty of the great outdoors -Read and learn new things Dreams, ambitions, life goals -To have freedom -To be able to give a lot financially -To live a meaningful life Best/worst things that have happened -Best thing that ever happened is being from Australia, it makes me different and I have a different background understanding of people and there are a lot of good stereotypes that follow along with this. I also have access to some beauty that inspires me to want more of myself. -Worst thing was finding porn on my dads computer, being afraid of an unstable family, being bullied and not having strong friends throughout high school. Definitely led to a lack of belonging. Maturity seemed to lag behind everyone else. -Best thing that ever happened was evolving to want more for myself, my drive my passion which might have actually been started by having quality role models such as colleen and forest. Childhood family life upbringing. -Spent doing outdoors things that made me understand the importance of fresh air and being more connected with nature. -Mom works very hard to keep up an understanding of the importance of family. Had parents that both spent time with me. Were at my soccer games, other sports, helped with homework, spent time together on the weekends playing board games and cooking. -Traveling and working to understand different cultures was always very important. Today I attempted to minimize my material possessions further by throwing out a lot of crap I had as toys when I was younger along with binders from high school. As I cleaned I became further and further agitated by the fact that I had something suppressed. My utter distain and dis-enjoyment of growing up after moving to the United States. I look back on high school as the first time I may have began to enjoy my life and who I was becoming.
I threw away good toys simply because I hated them that much due to the time I associate them with. It is something I did not know was still so meaningful to me. I look at that time of being unstable as a family and not being respected by neighbors. Maybe I didn't realize just how alone we were. I did not know I felt so disconnected to any home. Home to me is not a physical place so it seems. To me its a state of happyiness and good vibes. I also found myself to be lacking in social skills this weekend. This might just be me being in my head but I felt like I would talk just to talk. I realize how much I hate false interactions and how much I just want to be around the people I want to be around experiencing the things I want to experience. My self assessment proves further and I dream of running a company and caring about those people but having very few close friends because they understand me and know what I tolerate and what my values are. Cleaned my car which I realize more and more how little physical things do not matter. I must make those changes and get rid of a lot. I must start to plan on what my life is going to consist of in Richmond. I had great meaningful interaction with the freys enjoying the beauty of western Loudoun. I got more into country music and began to drive my new jeep which makes me feel great and gives me a great since of accomplishment. Had a great dinner with family but that could have been a lot more meaningful. Read more of my book where I learned about different dates to go on and realize just how much I need to connect more with my emotions. I think this can be done more thru meditation and feeding my brain.
Packed up my entire room. Realized how much I need to get ride of so much junk in my life. The less physical things connected to me the more free I am.
Almost done with models, Realized I must understand more culture, have opinions on things. Drove to northern Virginia where will be for around 10 days. Struggling with being back and remaining myself but regardless it is only for a few days so I might as well relax and enjoy the company of my family. I am getting stressed out just about journaling again just because I did it once before. It seems as though I still have emotional ties to when I lived here and the stress that I was under. I need to remember that is not my current situation. I am different, I am succeeding, I am confident. I will be on my own again soon. What do I value in a women besides the obvious physical beauty? I admire someone who has a high Emotional Intelligence, someone who I can look at and be amazed by how well they are with people. They bring out the best in people. They must be confident in some skill or trait of theirs such as career, conservation, politics, I must be able to learn from them. They must also be at least somewhat physically active and care about their lifestyle. Getting to bed at a certain time, running would be great. Someone who is also able to get me to loosen up at times when I am having trouble with it and will not succumb to my times of negativity when I take myself too seriously. Must be someone who enjoys new experiences and can travel or live in another country.
To attract this type of women I have a lot of personal growth to undertake. In thinking about some goals for this summer, I should be able to play at least 10 songs on the Uke, speak one or two languages mediocre, continue being fit, active in community work. There seems to be a disconnect as I only think of doing these things once I have the freedom of entrepreneurship but I don't have to wait. I can do the 9-5 intern thing and include these as part of who I am as well. It is also these experiences that will help me to find something that needs to be fixed. I must also focus in on my love for people and understanding them. These should all be included in my decisions. I must also constantly check in with my intentions and if I am doing something because I want to or because of social pressures. This will be the summer doing things that I find intention in. I will make my decisions. If I don't know why I am doing something than I will not do it, period. What I am reading in my most recent book is about true confidence about who you are. You constantly hear about who people are or about people knowing precisely who they are and not letting other influence this and staying true to this. In a recent search of myself, this is who I am.
Alexander Strathdee is a very level headed person. He does not get mad easily, or aggravated by exterior events. He thinks things through before reacting to others actions. He is constantly respectful of others and their opinions. You can always feel like you can address an posing view with him because you will be respected. Alex Strathdee is a very curious person who is constantly looking to evolve. Constantly reading things and engaging in activities that grow him. You see Alex as that person thats constantly trying new things and you can always have an interesting conversation with him because he has experienced so many things. You see him as someone who does not disappoint his own values. For example if someone smokes around him he will absolutely not smoke. If the question is whether to talk about someone behind their back he will not. He will not participate in talking negatively. These are a few examples I can think of at the moment. Alex Strathdee is also respectful and inclusive of everyone around him. You never see him treating someone a certain way just because they are different. He is someone who keeps a big-picture frame of mind and does not derive any emotion from day to day events that he has opinions on. He things about how much things really matter before reacting. To summarize:
I have made a lot of progress in life. I have some tangible accomplishments. This gives me something where I believe I deserve confidence but don't actually have it. The subtle art of not giving a fuck is probably a book I should read as I seem to give to many fucks. Too many times I relinquish my own standards to appease those around me.
I desperately don't want to be rejected by people, by friends, by lovers, by my family. I think everyone around me suffers from this same fear. Maybe it is those who overcome this fear the most that succeed in life. Those are the social pressures I feel, are not thinking for my own pleasure. I believe that I truly love people and what makes them tick and so the fact that I am so good at this(or at least better than most) of why I struggle with my relationships. From now on in any social interaction I must stay focused on what is going on inside my head and thinking about things other than how someone might perceive something I am saying. The jury may still be out on how this semester shaped up. As time separates me and this semester I will probably see more clearly but I must currently reflect on current times and understandings.
At the end of last semester I felt that there were very tangible things for me to focus on achieving. Things I could add to my resume, ways for my peers to view me in a different light. I worked hard and achieved this to a great extent. I was pledge ed, I maintain good (waiting to see) grades. Women seem to now be attracted to me. On the other hand I do seem to have changed for the worse in some ways. Escaping contentness is the theme of this write up as I am not the best although I seem to have peers thinking I am acting as if I believe I am. That is very untrue to how my parents raised me and who I see myself being. It literally has no place in my environment and yet I seem to be fostering it. What is it about me that is giving this off? Life is looking better. I know what I want a fair bit more. I know that I will lead people and any way I can throw myself in an uncomfortable situation in which I am able to grow my strengths in the areas of personal trait that aid this mission should be my most foremost action.
I truly can lead those around me to happiness and better versions of myself. I also know I have the confidence to be the calm person I wish to be. I have done so much, and truly appreciate the life I have been able to live. I realize that those around me have not had the colorful and exuberant richness of love and experience of which I have been blessed by fate and my own creation. From here I must remain present as to my goals and desires while also enjoying the small parts of life of which I may call relaxation and subtle enjoyment of my environment. In almost every way I am becoming more content in part due to what the future holds. I am content with knowing I am not in fact after money but after freedom. I wish to have followers who strive for purpose. I must turn into a beacon of positivity which shines to those lives not usually touched by such openness. It is easy. I just cannot use those around me for example as I don't wish to become them. I wish to become myself and be the best possible with people. |
AuthorStudent to my future Archives
July 2017
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